Paradox of Miracles

I've always believed in miracles. I heard stories of my mother being healed after an accident before I was born. On my mission, I saw a little girl with fever suddenly go play and run around after a blessing of healing. I believe I have been healed from other major and minor illnesses during my lifetime.

Yet I feel Heavenly Father has also seen fit for me and my family and friends to endure physical trials. I have a mental illness that I deal with daily. Many in my family have mental illness. My father and sister have a lifelong neurological illness. We each have our cross to bear.

I struggled in high school when several of my classmates lost their parents. We had also lost a classmate in our small high school class (I didn't know him very well). His mother taught at the high school where she helped comfort us through that rough period.

The paradox that my parents were alive and my friends and classmates had lost theirs troubled me.

Now the paradox returns: I have my child where others I know have lost their children. I am experiencing "survivor mom's guilt with PTSD" as I've termed it.

I remember my son's body looking unnatural while my husband performed CPR. My son was a corpse for a few minutes, but he lived.

We worried about spinal cord injuries, brain damage, and swallowing injuries. Twenty-four hours after admission, an MRI cleared him of major brain damage and spinal cord injuries. Thirty-six hours later, they took out the breathing tube and he was talking to us. On Friday, he passed all the cognitive, swallow, and movement tests. So he was our son with a full recovery...just tired.

My husband and I were so relieved to take him home Friday night when he had been lifelighted in on Tuesday night. He is our miracle boy.

A friend reminded me that Jesus Christ knows what we have each suffered.  He is the one who can mourn with us in the deepest abyss. He is the one who makes those miracles of healing the heart and body possible.

I know God performs miracles. I just don't understand the logic behind those miracles. I know there are smaller miracles when God helps us endure. Sometimes I think those are truly the larger miracles.


Yes, my family is already in counseling for this event.

Thank You Lehi

After my son's accident, my family has felt an outpouring of love from friends, family, neighbors, community members, and strangers. It has been such an overwhelming experience that we don't know how to take it all in.

My husband cut down the rope with his knife and performed CPR. Neighbors rushed to aid, one jumping over fences. EMTs, firefighters, and police officers all came within minutes to my son's aid. The medical staff at Primary Children's cared expertly for my son to prevent any brain, spinal, and other damage to his body. Neighbors and friends brought us meals. My parents and neighbors watched my other sons. My son received so many gifts and cards they have overtaken our toy bins and countertops! My son's school community visited him and gave him letters. Our bishop and counselor assisted in a blessing of healing for our son. Everyone said prayers for our son. So many people who knew him and didn't know him said prayers for him. I heard stories of many people who prayed for him.

One person or more people did a fundraiser for our son under #LehiLift. Through a mutual acquaintance, they had children deliver the donation to our door. It was very heartwarming.

All of this has been so kind from everyone. There is power in community. There is power in unified thoughts and prayer.

Thank you!

My stubborn son is such a miracle kid to go from no heartbeat and no breath to a full recovery within less than a week.

You all helped bring about that miracle.



My husband and I have chosen not to contact the media about what happened to our son. It was overwhelming at the time. I posted a few updates on my private account, but I asked people not to reach out to media. As I've talked to people, some have been happy to hear of my son's full recovery from the accidental strangulation. I want to share the good news, but not expose our names to the media. Many will know who we are, but I don't want the whole world to know details about our lives. For this reason, I started this anonymous blog.

Please respect my family's privacy by not using our first or last names or any private details about us in the comments.